While most keep their memories of high school buried deep in their subconscious, I often reminisce on a much simpler time. When I first started high school, I didn’t even have a smart phone. My social media was limited to Facebook which I could only check when I got home from school and most of my newsfeed consisted of questions on the nightly homework. The word FOMO didn’t exist in my vocabulary, neither did the word Instagram for that matter. At a time when everyone around me was still figuring out who they were, I already knew, and I didn’t have the temptation of social media forcing me to compare myself to my peers. I was loud and passionate about things that mattered to 0.1% of the population and I made little to no effort to blend into a crowd. I felt no pressure to find a boyfriend or go to parties, I didn’t even know about the things I was missing out on. Social media continued to evolve over those four years in high school and by the time I graduated I had been through several generations of iPhones and had tried every filter on Instagram, but I rarely questioned the decision I made based on the posts I saw from others.
Instagram exploded in the few months leading up to the start of college and by the time I had packed up my life, it had become the primary way to keep in touch with my high school friends as we went our separate ways. Suddenly, I began watching my friends through rose-colored glasses and I felt immense pressure to keep up. I went to parties, I let guys make unwelcome passes in dark rooms and the whole time I thought to myself, why am I the only one not having fun? With a less structured schedule, I had more time on my hands which I unwisely used to scroll through social media, blind to the fact that this habit had become an addiction. On the outside I appeared well adjusted – I was in a sorority, I contributed to a research lab, I worked as a yoga instructor and while I enjoyed those pieces of my life, I could never return to the joy and confidence I felt in high school because I forgot how to accept me for me. Although I never caved to the pressures of college that felt uncomfortable to me, I spent a whole lot more time wondering why I was so different from everyone around me. For the first time in my life, I started to feel like I was falling behind. No, not academically but socially. Focused so intensely on my studies and my job prospects, I hadn’t made the effort to date. I started to feel embarrassed for who I was – a feeling I’d never had before. I was consciously aware of the fact that my social media and therefore my life did not fit the mold that was expected of me. There were no photos of me and a boyfriend on my Instagram, I never got asked to a Fraternity Formal and I didn’t have a collection of stories from nights I couldn’t remember. As Graduation weekend approached, I was ready to start my real life – a life where social media no longer mattered, or so I thought.
While social media used to show me the experiences in college I was missing out on, now it serves as a reminder of life milestones I’ve yet to hit. I’ve reached the age where my social media feed is filled with diamond rings. The same girls in high school who once lived lives almost identical to me have purchased homes and had babies and I’m constantly reminded that I should have these things as well. My prefrontal cortex just finished developing this year and I can't help but wonder why there is all this pressure to make big decisions. I’ve started to take a step back and think about my priorities as they differ from what the social media algorithms have suggested for me. At this stage in my life, I don’t have an interest in having children, but my news feed is a never-ending stream of gender reveals. I consciously debate where it makes the most sense for me to live with such a transient lifestyle while my newsfeed reminds me that a mortgage payment in the suburbs would be the same as my current rent. And although I never pictured my future without a partner, I struggle to make time for one at the same time. Hours spent online dating (probably my least favorite form of social media that is unfortunately here to stay) has only left me feeling discouraged. From chronic ghosting to hat-fishing, my distrust of dating apps continues to increase as my energy levels decrease. I’ve scheduled dates after a 6-hour flight across the country and I’ve tried to stay connected with guys while on the road, but the effort has been fruitless as few men are willing to wait around for a girl who is home every other week.
I’m clearly still searching for a way to build a healthy relationship with social media. While I know many would argue the best way to resolve this problem would be through removing my presence on the internet – I’m here to tell you it’s almost impossible to escape social media. Even a “professional network” like LinkedIn can be toxic as it is easy to compare yourself to others who appear to be knocking it out of the park. I’ve become the kind of person who lives to work and am genuinely excited for weeks on the road when my schedule keeps me so busy, I don’t have time to analyze why the decisions I'm making don't align to others my age. It's 2022 but success for women still feels tied to our relationship status and I sometimes forget that I’m not the only one following a different path from my peers even if it can feel isolating. As Cindy often reminds me, even people in relationships can be lonely. I’ve learned that the only way to counteract social media is to surround myself with people who accept me for being my unapologetic self – the person I was once so proud to be in high school. In a world where we are encouraged to celebrate differences, the sentiment seems to stop at single career-oriented women who are still judged on social media by putting their search for love or their biological clock at risk to climb the corporate ladder. Last time, I checked – woman still can’t have it all.
